Scott_Arizala
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Jan 15, 2007, 7:14 AM
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Don’t think about the rules!
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Scott Arizala
Consultant & Trainer
The Camp Counselor
Have you ever stood next to the climbing tower at camp with a camper that has never seen one before? They know immediately some things about it: it’s tall, you climb on it, and it involves lots of stuff like helmets & ropes. They also know the rules. Not necessarily all of them, definitely not the specific details, but most of the rules. If you were to ask they would tell you about safety stuff, like being tied to a rope so you don’t fall off. Kids know the rules! Take them out to a sidewalk, look at the road, and ask them, “What are the rules about the road?” There will be an eruption of kids shouting rules and, more importantly, consequences, so much so that if you have more than a couple of kids, they will go head to head with the gory details of being hit by cars or kidnapped. The trick with activities and the rules is to get them thinking about what they are supposed to be doing.
Since kids mostly know the rules, and yet they still have a tendency to disregard them, maybe we as the adults should do something different… Don’t think about the rules! Let’s instead think about our expectations. What do we want? The only way anyone, including kids, can follow the directions, or “play by the rules” is if they are clear, known, and specific. Concentrate on and think about what you expect and it is easier to communicate it clearly. It really is about how you say it…
“So… when you yell to that kid at the pool, “Hey! Stop Running!” What do you think he is thinking about?”
~ Bill Hinton, Camp Director YMCA Camp Flaming Arrow
Bill’s point was brilliant… why put the idea in their heads and then get mad at them for doing it.
If I were to give you these rules, would you know what the activity is? - Don’t put your hand in the hot wax
- Don’t mix the colors
- No horseplay
- One at a time
- Don’t cut the string
Maybe those lucky few that have tried to stop kids (or anyone for that matter) from putting hot wax on their fingers while making candles at arts & crafts, know what this is, but most of us wouldn’t have a clue. We need to tell it like it is… say what we want!
There seems to be two principles that make our expectations or what we want easy to communicate. - State rules in the positive
- Ask a lot of questions
Stating rules and things in general in the positive will turn most “don’ts” into “do’s” like telling kids, “the WICK is the ONLY thing that goes into the hot wax!” We can get kids thinking about what we want instead of what we don’t (here’s my favorite… Don’t think about a red ball!... Gets them every single time!), and we minimize the use of the most abused words in the English-we-use-with-kids language: No, Stop, & Don’t. It is almost as if kids grow up and develop a word-specific hearing disability. Ask any camp counselor… sometimes, they just don’t hear the words. It’s really that those words are just not that meaningful or effective anymore. Every adult, most of the time, is using these words to give kids directions. If you want to be heard say something different.
Here is where asking questions comes in. If you try and say things in the positive, especially all your activity rules, how can you talk about the consequences? Simple, ask questions about what we should be doing, what we shouldn’t be doing, and why. Take five more minutes than usual discussing the activity. If it’s an art project, ask about different ideas, if it’s a sport, ask about different ways to play, if it’s archery, ask what the first line command is…. For every rule your given ask “why?” Most of the time they know the consequences or the reason why and this will give you the opportunity to confirm their ideas and add your own. They won’t say it like you would, but let me ask you this, which do you think would mean more to a kid… - “Well, we would get in trouble for that.”
- “You would not be able to participate in the rest of the activity and we would have to have a sit down to discuss it.”
Of course… the first one! Let me be clear, I do think it is appropriate and important for adults to be specific about consequences for breaking rules. I just think it is more meaningful within the context of a discussion rather than a lecture. The kids will be given an opportunity for decision making and have some ownership of the “rules.” Since they know most of this stuff anyway, why not ask… maybe they’ll remember it better when they are faced with a dripping hot candle and a hand waiting underneath it.
Scott Arizala is owner of The Camp Counselor, and is a summer camp & youth organization consultant, trainer, educator and speaker. He has been involved in camping, education and social services and is considered an expert in his field.
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(This post was edited by Scott_Arizala on Jan 15, 2007, 7:21 AM)
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