JoanneKates
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May 29, 2008, 8:52 AM
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Drugs, Sex and Rock & Roll at Summer Camp? Not on My Watch
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By Joanne Kates
Some say that was the anthem of our generation in its youth. A generation ago, when we were the young ones, we said we’d never trust anyone over 30, and the world was a very different place. As parents, we know (perhaps too well) how painful, sad and scary it can be to experiment with sex before you’re ready for it; as parents we fear for our children – not only is it emotionally unsafe for them to be sexually active at a young age, but there are potentially tragic health consequences that did not exist in our youth.
And yet our voices are not the loudest ones that our adolescents attend to (despite how frequently we deliver the message!). The combination of media and internet messages that appear to promote the glamour of sexuality devoid of relationship is a powerful message that sells kids a big lie – that it’s cool for young people to be sexually active. Add the inevitable teen talk about sex, and teens are in a pressure cooker. For girls, the pressure takes the form of convincing them that boys won’t pay attention to them or like them if they refuse to “hook up.” For boys, pop culture promotes the false notion that “real men” (which all boys aspire to be, and prove themselves to be) are masters of sexual conquest who never stop wanting it.
Sexual activity among teens is nothing new. But it is new that teens “hook up” both regularly and casually. Sexual activity is reported by ¼ of junior high students, and almost 2/3 of high school students. Results of a Teen Today study show that teens who engage in early sexual behaviour experience higher levels of stress and depression than their peers who are not sexually active.
So what are our goals at camp with respect to teens and sex? The first one is simple: It’s a no-go zone. We tell them that their parents didn’t send them to camp to have sex, and that it is therefore our responsibility to make sure that they are not sexually active at camp. In this we are undemocratic and authoritarian. The “leash” is very short! We know that teens at camps sometimes try to sneak out of their cabins in the middle of the night to meet the opposite sex unsupervised, so we do night patrols. We believe that (despite oft-repeated protests to the contrary) teens feel safest with very clear boundaries. So we give them boundaries. No sneaking out, and if we catch you doing it, we’ll send you home.
We also believe that adolescents feel safer when the pressure to be sexually active is removed from their experience. They may enjoy grumbling about the limits and the supervision at camp, but of course grumbling is part of the teenage developmental mandate, so it doesn’t imply that the boundary is wrong. The combo of experiencing a firm boundary, and grumbling about it, is about as yummy as a banquet-burger to a teen – the best of both worlds! They get to feel safe (thanks to not having to do sexual stuff that they’re not ready for) and appear cool by grumbling about the boundary. We teach our staff who work with adolescents to understand this “combo platter,” so that they don’t confused or demoralized by the grumbling.
In addition to our authoritarian approach to the behaviours around teen sexuality, we also work with the feelings, because camp is a golden opportunity to give teens some assistance processing and understanding issues that are both pressing and hard to talk about. In both Girls Circles and Boys Circles at camp, kids have a chance in a 100% non-judgmental setting to talk about their feelings about the opposite sex, about pressures towards sexual activity, and about how they make decisions about these challenging choices. Our goal is to support them to gain awareness of their feelings, and to find out that they can make choices about what’s best for them, and not “go with the flow” or buy into stereotypes or expectations.
Joanne Kates is a highly successful freelance writer in Canada and the US and is the Director of Camp Arowhon in Algonquin Park, Ontario
She is the author of Exploring Algonquin Park: The Personal and Complete Guide
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(This post was edited by JoanneKates on May 29, 2008, 9:05 AM)
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